When Eoghan , my tutor me grazed fingers borrow a pencil to me restate the processes T eatment of E to U Sees I could not remember not have learned one day in my life , I knew that ...
therefore I had to pretend to some invalid order to admire his mop of curly and feel his aura to 0.0002 miles away from me ...
Hence an avalanche of palaver to attract his attention , that Roman compared more beautiful verbal diarrhea while I do regarded simply as an attempt (rather vain that one day he called me by my first name and he told me " hi! ") reconciliation with God that living in the saddle. And stool ...
Thus, when held in his desire to molding highlighting its muscular well designed bike professional, he asked me to teach him to develop his French accent mediocre (but oh so sexual) , I had no qualms about decrying my joy, though resolved to dispel all these problems that my tongue has now secrets for his own him ...
Unfortunately, I had to make early the only living organisms I could hope entice with my fragrance new ferret and my sneaker air - I had more roads since the time of Minikeums ... Liiis-meee-CAPS! AAPA does not cry OhOhOhohhh ...- bacteria were I hung around daily.
**
And besides ... a Polish already fully occupied the handlebars of Eoghan ...
My only consolation has been still observed that his girlfriend is - as its name indicates - " petite ...
Before coming to England , Aziz was exported to Algeria . This explains why these probably what a few minor worries pronunciation.
Not Aziz we do not say "Good night" . Not Aziz, Victoria not Veronika . Not Aziz, Celine not Anissa . But Aziz has a selective memory.
Muslim culture in which Aziz is anchored leads him to consume that Hallal - although I still think that his salami, turkey has a taste of old Babe boiled.
What characterizes Aziz is also his natural generosity.
Everything his is I :
His closet is mine , his fridge is mine , his bed is ... Aah it nan! ( Not ).
Sometimes this propensity for goodness turns the excess .
Thus, it is not uncommon that this behavior can in turn Syndrome Gilles de la Tourette when preparing sixth meal of the day, he asks:
"You come eat with me? COM-MENT CA NOT YOU WANT MAN-GER? I am just cooking with ... BUT IF YOU STILL HUNGRY! Regaaaaarde, they seem de-li-...
YOU'LL SEE THAT YOU ARE GOING THE FOOD! "
Note that a traumatized roommate is a roommate who eats and closes its mouth.
**
Thibaut
Ephèbe smile Freedent , Thibaut studied several years Strasbourg before being adopted by the city of Troyes where he is currently pursuing his studies in business school ( "HEC? Enc lééééééééééééés *! ")
sensitivity is not certain tai-ing one term that best describes Thibaut, who cried when John Smith left Pocahontas to sail to other shores and other shameless . Snif. Life is sad nonetheless.
In good commercial , Thibaut tried to sell me a bunch of garbage whose usefulness escapes me still. Candles used example. Or maybe it was frozen semen?
In fact, the main interest Thibaut saw in my visit was the position of domestic service. In
good little submissive bitch , Victoria captures its beauty on clichés, Victoria serves as secretary in person and mason assigned while caring graciously its balloons and its course individuals .
Basically doggie Victoria is here to all tasks break the rectum.
However, these days, plus I let her leftovers , Thibaut likes to come into my room to get warm right hand.
Or take a shower in mine . Strange.
**
Radouane
With tuft (of hair) and his disheveled matte skin naturally, Radouane has any manufacturing defect.
Radouane makes kitchen. Radouane serves tea . Radouane makes dishes. Radouane done household . Radouane loves Asians.
In sum, Radouane is ' manhood.
However, Radouane a fragile mental health : So when I told her I was 25% Chinese and 75% Cambodian (ratios may be changed) , he said "Ooooh nice blend ! . Ah yes anyway . I had been never even made it there.
Because for me, these slant, they all look alike. Is that dwarves anyway. And the more they eat poodles. Beurrkkk!
Worse, Radouane has a pink headband.
No, person was obliged . Yes, it seems that fashion in Antarctica.
U no rules it would be appropriate to institute soon is not JA-BUT out with his roommates ...
**
Landlord: Old fossil clever of her condition, Robert is a bit of Charlie Maisonnée : the unseen but never charged us always of missions very exciting. Lately, his favorite game is "Your sub-inch sub in my pocket .
Both say that it facilitates irrationally my bowel ...
When I arrived at the gate of 134 Corrib Park Galway I could not help but think of the words reassuring Tarik when he learned that I now live in company three individuals male .
The background of his thoughts - dirty and disgusting - came down easily in these few words:
3 guys + 1 girl = 1 rotating ;
" T u gonna take expensive "
;
(It goes without saying that he also embellished his argument with moult terms obscene that the moral forbids me to state here).
So it is with its a priori on vicious impulses of the human species, I secretly developed offensive to any enemy assault to coucougnettes .
**
The plan was simple and was based on 3 main principles.
Principle 1 : Abolish the barriers of language
Many of you may be prone to paranoia : thus, every word can be suspicious. It is therefore recommended that a working yourself on the vocabulary used, poor softened bulb.
Step 1 : It helps you to create the illusion of a clear and fluent English-speaking : there is nothing more exasperating than going to the prostitute service that does not say "Yes" ( "OOOOOOOOUUUUIII Oh!" ) and which does not open the mouth for (m) scrub.
Step 2 : Learn how to avoid misunderstandings . The caller may say "I want to Introduce you" , without having to get the kitchen knife immediately .
Step 3 : It is essential to review the basics of building Shakespearian grammar. The English equivalent of "I Also " is" So do I ". And not "So do I" . Do not get abused.
Principle 2 : Erecting the obstacle spiritual
Sometimes only in extreme situations where you feel you will use hamburger for dinner , some beliefs can occur unbeknownst to us voluntarily.
To this end, certain maneuvers can be made .
Step 1: Begin by highlighting your convictions : "My religion forbids me to practice sex before marriage" .
Step 2: If this fails, test the variant lyrical : "Such are the ways of the Lord, I am impenetrable ;.
Step 3: Finally, if your opponent knows you're a big slut and you've already bitten the apple (and it offers kindly take care of hers) , opt for the solution "I am lesbian , so sorry, our aspirations are incompatible" .
Step 4: If the problem remains insoluble conclude by the fact that you have already found other ways to satisfy you. For example, if he speaks English, tell him "Gode saves the dyke."
Principle 3 : Dresser physical boundaries
If you smelled a future threat and you know you will sooner or later finish in panties, follow these steps:
Step 1: Play fine secretive and tell "I am a man" (the fact that transsexuals are Asian species in the process of expansion is definitely in your favor if you are a kind of Asian noodle small (r ) ic )
Step 2: If the pattern does not rEBiT, try the coax continuing with "I'm a man. And I do not pick up the soap " (insist on the fact that you have a phobia soaps, it could be softened ) .
Step 3: If your opponent does show some compassion and decided at any cost make you eat his soap, show your sense of logic to bring it to reason: "I am a man who believes in sexual reproduction, and I've known the 5 th that the sperm fertilizes the egg ... But if there is no egg ... .
Step 4: In ultimate use (this method is deemed infallible ) , shoot your last card by pronouncing the following sentence "It would have been happy to play leapfrog but ... I was born without opening "(obviously, in this sequence, it is important that you urinate you do not over - You got a hole pistrou! )
In any case, it is essential that you have at hand an umbrella : if the attacker is too aggressive, n ' Do not hesitate to put him in-a-part-of-its-anatomy-where-he-did-should not be .
Choose therefore preferably a long umbrella.
For more is long
More is good .
A m e edit.
(As it is difficult to imagine the eyes of Bruno landed on this blog, because from that moment I would be categorized as criminal tends cracked for something not too too long like eternity , I'll replace the link in the blog g e n e General by another "censored" .)
Chapter VIII: Ca plane pour moi (Hou! Hou Whoo Whoo!)
" D IS Celine, where he will poo planes? "I let go of your we-don't-be-more-serious when we had just off.
She looked at me amused / puzzled before answering that most certainly circuit monitoring should be the same as the TGV.
I could then help feeling reassured : I found it quite rare to walk down the street saying:
" Oh, will attention have to do because I can potentially take me a flurry shits on facies ... "
I believe that this trauma back to the day I saw an episode in Experts a man was dead after having eaten a frozen poo in the face - giving its full meaning to the phrase "A shit fell on him."
night, sometimes I still hear its howl.
I also had a thought for Bernard (when talking about poop, I often think of him) : in amphibians, I was horrified d learn, before, in TGV feces gave directly to travelers rural meadows where cows, a beautiful afternoon of Summer , came drink and graze their grass .
And your shit also the shot.
**
Other existential questions staked our two hour flight.
And despite the unexpected loss my right ear that we landed on gaily green land i r the has n d i has s e s ...
Despite control to crane safety my condition latent of mid-terrorist was finally updated when I learned that the pens and liquids are more 10 cL were banned for luggage hand.
"A ttaque pen armed GDF-Suez and
illegal possession of Diet Coke" .
It is true that terrorism level, it sends the block.
Although the Icelandic cloud was bad omen, we embarked freshly Celine, and I my germs in the Lufthansa.
What a shock was it for us to see that the steward and stewardesses did not meet - quite - the same standard of beauty that in American movies:
The average age of the specimens was approaching dangerously fifties. And
visiblemen t , unlike that their name suggests ,
"get laid" , they had not have done so since a few decades ...
His unorthodox thoughts were soon dispelled by airsickness birth.
(Upon reflection, the dizziness was perhaps one of the reasons why I had not been manufactured to be very high ...).
I at once thought to Mom, who the day before leaving, told a solemn , hand on my shoulder :
"Oh my daughter .
in case ...".
I remembered
then my skeptical expression when she was attached to these words of freezer bags.
seamlessly. From 6L.
I can imagine puking my guts accompanied by 300 people so everyone can exclaim:
"Oh! Here is one that has eaten
Moussaka noon .... "
(Friends of the preparation, the story of moussaka I still get upset *)
* The moussaka the canteen at the Lycée Joffre Montpellier is a kind of culinary rarer. It is indeed the only dish I know to keep its consistency along his life and his resurrection :
Is not this a strange still his appearance does not change if we compare his condition:
BEFORE oral ingestion and AFTER faeces?
"Nothing is lost, nothing is created, everything changes." told Lavoisier.
After discovered that I was not a terrorist power , I still transmitting doubts about the quality of Celine , forced to move to control anti-explosive .
A man of Indo-Pakistan , then served us guide.
"Bah Celine, I follow you anyway, even if I'm not a terrorist, eh ..."
Man injured certainly have been placed away from this discussion highly significant, turned to Celine, who told him:
"She Comes Even if she's not a terrorist ..."
Followed a speech deaf when he answered :
"You are very pretty ! "
slip away before I thought what amounted to an attempted seduction who made a monumental flop when he turned toward me then .
His countenance cheerful, a bit dredger disappeared, giving way to a clear pout when he crossed the eyes of my person.
It made me: "Are you Chinese ? "
" No, I'm French "I replied in utmost sincerity.
" noooo! You're NOT French "
" OK ... "
Wanting to continue good foundation despite the humiliation suffered , I continued:
"I'm from Cambodia”
“Oh, where is Cambodia?”
“Near Thailand. And Laos…”
“IS IT IN CHINA?”
“…” (Le faisait-il exprès, était-il souffrant?)
“I ask if you are Chinese because I speak Chinese… ”
“…”
"AND YOU LOOK LIKE A CHINESE!"
(we could not clearly nothing more for him, whose physique coupled with the intelligence met the definition of 'Fatal ...)
Chapter V: Take off your coat Take off your ... Shoes
After a short and rather restless night with Geraldine and Tarik
( who was then the beautiful boxer "ENGEES likes hugs' ) ,
I discovered that 1 st rhymed with May Day holiday-, Service-minimum-uninsured and The-hopes-to-take-the-tram-,-you-know-where -you-can-you-the-stick ...
Thus, it is only dragging 18.840 kg painfully in my suitcase with 4 wheels that I thought seriously about finding a boyfriend stooge ...
**
The architecture of the Frankfurt airport left me doubtful.
A mistaken, it looked like a giant ocean liner whose only element to be deplored, apart from the lack of robustness of the columns was the absence of Leo
...
may be a consequence direct that disappointment, but we were quickly disoriented when we arrived.
But where was my last GéGé-PS?
After I introduced to sign language for baggage check following a discussion not successful with German to English doubtful , another step, not least We waited ...
The security gates .
Or in other words: how -to-do-fiddle-in-public ...
The fantasy of body search conducted by a Chippendale , I always dreamed ("Oh Ouuuui!'s my pants!") had suddenly turned into a vulgar rolling massage sponsored by the Lady of Caverns in person, "Lady" whose face was apparently designed to mouth : no expression seemed to be reflected, if not the e XCitation my own submission that seemed to enjoy there ...
